Vernice Voutrell

It was EuEarl's idea to go into town to FEES', the local grocery store. "If we're gonna have company, we need to stock up. And replace that cracked window glass in Q-Bubba's old room !".  KC groaned inwardly, but realizing EuEarl was right, kept it to himself. A trip to FEES' was both inevitable & necessary, he knew, as it was the best & nearest place to shop, but his poor Nebraska heart was filled with dread at the thought of dealing with Vernice Voutrell !

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It was a cart filled to the brim that KC pushed towards the checkout, with EuEarl just ahead, hand firmly gripping & guiding the front ! It was generally slow around 10am. That, as well as the nearly deserted parking lot, would have lead an observer to believe that they'd be rung out & on their way in very short  order ! However,  the Boys knew better. So, reaching the lone opened , yet un-manned register checkout, they engaged in a bit of small talk.!

"We got everything?"

"Foremost Mlik. Coupl'a loaves of  Sunbeam. Morton Salt, pinto beans...", KC recited, glancing over the cart's contents, "Lettuce,  Tide &... Rice Krispies ?" KC grimaced & shook his head."Don't know how ya eat them thangs !"

"Don't ya 'member that Monkees commercial 8 or so years ago ? The jingle ?" EuEarl cleared his throat then sang, " 'K-E- double L. Oh, double good. Kelloggs Best to You !' ". He smiled, assumed a 'Ta-Dah'-like pose &  awaited KC's critique.

KC suppressed a grin ( EuEarl's vocal tones, plus his ad libbed gestures, were undeniably cute ! ) & stated as stoned faced as he could, "I wuz full-time cowboyin' back then. Weren't no time fer TV watching !"

"Too bad for you.", was EuEarl's flippant reply.

" 'Sides," KC added, "Monkeys singin' 'bout cereal wouldn'tuh made me wanna eat none."

EuEarl, realizing KC wasn't joking, gave him an exaggerated roll of the eyes !  "Not monkeys the animals ! The Monkees. The singing group !"  At the sight of KC's authentically clueless expression, EuEarl sighed. "You Grand Old Op'ry types sure live in a bubble, don't ya? ! KC, love, please tell me you've, at least, heard of the Beatles & I don't mean the kind you swat off your radishes !"

KC laughed. "I done heard of the Beatles !" KC shook his arms & torso in an ungainly manner & quite off key, sang " 'Yeah. Yeah. Yeah !'... See ?"   EuEarl laughed out loud ! KC shrugged. "Pretty awful, huh ? I cain't sing worth a durn ! " 

EuEarl placed his hand on KC's & squeezed. "Well, babe, I don't think either one of us is ready for the Hollywood Palace !" 

"Or Ed Sullivan ! But then, ain't neither one a'them on TV no more !"  called out a loud voice, which was immediately followed by the sound of a toilet flushing. KC jumped & blushed red, while EuEarl was much relieved to hear the following sounds of a faucet tap being being run, then turned off & a paper towel being dispensed.

"What're y'all talkin' 'bout Monkees & Beatles for ?", continued the voice. "Y'all planning some sort'a Woodstocky riot or somethin' ?"  Out of a door just off to the left, next to the manager's booth, walked Vernice Voutrelle, in heels which made a much sharper clack against the linoleum than one would expect. She wore a beehive gravitationally defiant above her heavily powdered & colorfully illustrated face. Vernice's middle-aged features were given little assistance for all her cosmetic applications. Not because she was an ugly woman, but for the contrary. A few less strokes here & there would have allowed her natural & somewhat above average attractiveness to come through far more vividly.

"Queen Vernice !", EuEarl proclaimed. "Back from her throne room, I see ! No. ma'am, Woodstock & Peace 'n' Love are Out ! Nowadays, Texxas Jamm Gritty Hardcore Arena Rock are In!"   

Vernice waved her right hand upward in a gesture of benign dismissal at EuEarl's earlier joke veiled criticism & sniffed through a smile," It's all 'bout the same ol' thang by a differ'nt name, which is Sex !" She  reached into the pocket of  her store apron  to retrieve a pack of Parliament cigarettes & a thick, clunky silver butane lighter. Clamping the filter tip tightly between her rubied lips, Vernice flipped opened the lighter, which immediately blazed into life. A few quick puffs was all it took before the front area of FEES GROCERY was shrouded in a tobacco'd haze . "Be with you boys in a minute." she said, proceeding to make herself comfortable atop the ice cream cooler !  

"Don't let pay'n customers bother ya none.", KC groused under his breath.

"Well," EuEarl whispered good naturedly. "It ain't like we're in a hurry."

 "We hav'ta wait much longer them pinto beans is gonna sprout !", KC said.

"Y'know, Vernice, y'all ought'a think about installing a magazine rack." EuEarl said, tactfully hoping to help things along.

"Too much dust & bother.", she puffed." So, how're you boys doing today ?"

"Fine. Fine. And you ?"

"Boy, I want to tell you I'm worn out. Other gal Sylvie called in sick, so's I'm workin' the front alone. Workin' register & stockin' ! Hmphhh ! She's sick, my aunt fanny ! Out carousin' last night with that 'lectrician Odell from Olney, I know for a fact.  She bought two pairs'a L'Eggs 'fore she left work yesterday & ya know what that means ! And on her time of  month, too ! You wait. She'll be draggin' in a'pukin' in a few months time, y'all mark my words. He's gettin' a divorce or so he says. He ain't livin' with his wife currently, that's true, but a friend'a mine in Olney who knows his wife's momma ..." Vernice stopped for a quick inhalation of oxygen & smoke. " Well, she says the momma told her that his father-in-law just paid $1500 fer some fool thing or other...House taxes or a boat, I think she says it was.... that Odell owed money on !  And I wanna tell ya, a man fixin' to leave his wife or done already left ain't hardly gettin' no boat money from her daddy !" Vernice took a long, deep drag off her cigarette. EuEarl took his chance & changed the subject.

"Uh....How's Maureen these days ?" Maureen was Vernice's grown daughter from her first marriage.

"That fool girl ? Fat & lazy, but fine !" Her brow furrowed involuntarily, as it always did when the name 'Maureen' crossed her lips ! "Now, she's one for Beatles & Monkees ! Us'ta sit around & watch them durn Monkees every week when she was little. Hadda have all they records & junk, so I made her work with me here on weekends to earn her own money. Then, on her 12th birthday, nothin' would do but that she had'ta see 'em in a movie at the New Isis Theater in Ft. Worth with all her little friends ! Betty Ann Munger, Nanci Parks & Nadine Hennessy !  A three hour round trip, I want ya to know ! I loaded her & her friends int'a my new Buick & I want you to know that Nanci Parks gal got sick on my new cloth back seat on the way ! And more fool me for lettin' her come along, too ! Any child who's momma & daddy spells a simple name like Nancy with an "I" is bound to be trouble & if you meet Miss Nanci now with her husband & their 3 younguns, you'll see how that whole family ain't right ! "

EuEarl, somewhat shell shocked, missed the opening that Vernice's sudden cessation of speech offered. But by the time he realized, it was too late !

" So, I stopped at a GULF station that had a carwash to clean it up & I don't particular like GULF gasoline. I always get SINCLAIR, 'cause ya got some really lovely glassware they was offerin', at the time !... SO ! Maureen starts howling that, 'We're gon' be late ! We're gon' be late !'  Like they weren't gonna show that damn picture at least 9 times that day, but noooo ! Nothing would do, but that we had to be there for the first showing ! Then that Nanci Parks gal starts pukin' up again & gets her dress all messy in front ! Now, seems to me, if your child is prone to be car sick, you'd tell a body that ! But them Parks was then & is now, the most inconsiderate people on God's green earth ! I loaned Miz Parks on'a my gold plated bundt cake pans once & I want you to know, when she brung it back, it was dented AND scratched ! So, I said, ' Mary , did you drop my pan ?' And I want you to know what she said back !  'Oh, yeah, honey, but don't worry. I'd took the cake out first !'  Face showin' not a bit of shame, neither ! Now is that right, I ask you ?! And her with the nerve to spell her daughter's name at the end with an "I", too ! "

Normally patient & contained KC exploded ! "We got company coming, Vernice ! Will ya ring us up already ?! We's in a hurry !"

EuEarl, surprised, but cool, did his best to suppress a guffaw !

Vernice stubbed out her 2/3rds gone cigarette & puffed up her indignation ! ." Now you just hold yer horses, KC Hollins ! I'm on my break & I ain't puttin' up with no rude bad mouth'n from you !"

EuEarl interceded. "KC's wasn't meaning to be rude, Vernie ! He's just anxious to have everything ready in time for his company !"

Vernice's antennae perked up !" '...His company' ?  Ain't his 'friend' no friend of your'n, too ?"

Taken off guard by the question, EuEarl merely shook his head, but KC , in a near snarl, said, "No, he ain't , Vernice ! He's my friend ! MINE !! Yew got a problem with it ?!"

Vernice's expression turned dangerously sweet & serene as she got up from the ice cream cooler to walk her somewhat numbed ass towards the cash register.  "I got no problem either way.", Vernice began. " Of course, if'n your 'friend' was a woman, that could be a problem ...Add one woman & two men, in most cases, & a big mess's bound to be the backwash ! Lucky thang 'bout you two boys, though, is ain't no woman ever like to cause no mess 'twixt good, good friends like y'all are ! Ain't that right ?" & having wielded one final 2 for 1 bargain of her own, asked " Got any coupons ?" !

KC's face turned a deep deep shade of  purple which had the curious effect of making his red hair appear as a blaze of angry red flame beneath his hat ! EuEarl maintained his affable demeanor, but something in what Vernice had said triggered, or perhaps revealed, a nagging sense of discomfort about KC's friend Tecumseh & his upcoming visit ! 

The remainder of their shopping experience went off without further incident, but the minute they'd exited the threshold of FEES with their shopping cart of bagged groceries, KC, through clinched teeth & tight lips, growled , " I'd like'ta stuff her fat ass insid'a that cooler someday & puke a load'a "I's" all ov'uh her !"

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"Sometimes, inappropriate fun is the MOST FUN!..."

BRAVE MEN DO now available in ebook or softcover form. Order yours today !!

Honeymoon Guests

Literally, before Bob had time to set the parking brake,after pulling into the graveled drive, Tecumseh had crawled over him & lept out of his vehicle. 

Having driven from Dayton, Ohio that morning into Illinois, he & Tecumseh were now at the furthest most southern tip of that state, where the Ohio & Mississippi Rivers meet. They'd taken the next to last exit off the highway, as instructed, before crossing the state line into Missouri. Friends of Tecumseh's, Kenny Wyatt & his girlfriend Susie, lived nearby. Just before he & Bob had left Ohio early that morning, he'd called ahead to see if it would be convenient for the two of them to stop by. The number, which Tecumseh hadn't used in over a year, had been dis-connected, but fortunately the operator had found their new number & dialed it for him. Kenny had said that it would not only be convenient, but mandatory for them to stop by  ! Also, that Tecumseh & his friend were welcome to stay overnight, as well, if they liked !

It had been Kenny who had facilitated Tecumseh's entry into porn work, initially. After he'd quit his rodeo clown gig, he'd found himself  in New York City at loose ends, with a rapidly thinning wallet. By chance, he & Kenny had crossed paths while literally crossing Times Square, from opposite sides. Kenny, already an established name in the Straight Migdet Porn world, had been on his way to a shoot. As with most minorities, when you stumble upon your own kind, you reach out to connect, even if with no more than a amiable nod in their direction, but on this specific occasion, the porn shoot Kenny was headed for happened to have a wild west theme ! And hundreds of years after the initial sell of Staten Island, Native Americans weren't exactly thick on the ground in the Big Apple ! While Kenny didn't believe in Providence, he very much believed in leaping on an opportunity when one presented itself !

Theatrically, Kenny had raised his right hand, palm out & in a joking tone, had said, "HOW !  Hey, Tiny Tonto, how'd ya like to make $100 for an afternoon of snatch tag ? " 

"That depends.", had been Tecumseh's dry reply. "Is the offer still open after I kick your ass for calling me 'Tiny Tonto' ?!"

Kenny, all the while noticing Tecumseh's face harden & his hands form into fists, had let out a huge laugh ! He'd patted Tecumseh repeatedly on both his shoulders & said, " Bud, you & me are gonna be great friends for a very long time !" 

And so they were !

............

Bob watched as the two short studs chest bumped & kidded one another on how "...Run down, old & ugly!" the other had gotten since they'd last seen each other two years ago. Bob felt a little guilty for it, but as he watched them together, he couldn't help briefly imagining the two of them naked & sweaty together ! He immediately shook the thought out of his head !

"Lost the mustache, I see." 

"Had to. It'd gotten so long, I was tripping on it !"

"You're still trippin' !", Tecumseh howled ! "Bob ! Bob ! Come on over here & meet my man, Kenny !"

Bob stepped out of his long blue ride, walked over to Kenny & extended his hand. " Hi, Mr. Wyatt."

Kenny barked jovially,. "Fuck that 'Mr. Wyatt' shit, man ! Name's Kenny ! Put 'er there !"

They shook hands. "Kenny", Bob corrected." It's really nice of you & your wife... uhm, I mean girlfriend... to put us up for the night !"

"No trouble, Bob... !" Kenny began to say more, but Tecumseh interrupted. " Where's Susie at ? Not in the house baking, is she ?  I warned her not to let you read  The Stepford Wives !"

Kenny guffawed. "Naw...Susie ain't here. Meant to tell ya earlier on the phone, Cumseh. She's at her sister's this week showing off our new baby !"

" 'Baby' !?!", Tecumseh exclaimed, wide eyed "You guys had a Baby ?!"

Kenny nodded. "Three weeks ago last Tuesday. A little girl ! Would'a let ya know, but you never seem to be rooted anywhere !"

"True enough, 'til now.". Tecumseh winked in Bob's direction. "Well, fuck ! Congratulations, man !" Tecumseh hugged his friend again. "Damn ! A Baby ! What's her name ?"

"Tiffany Anne Wyatt", Kenny groaned amusedly. "Susie's idea. Can ya imagine a daughter of mine named Tiffany Anne ? "

"I can't imagine a daughter of yours !", Tecumseh laughed.

"Yeah. It's pretty cool !". Kenny smiled contentedly. "Now, I got two of the most beautiful women on Earth in my Life !"

Bob felt a twinge as he listened, remembering his own two kids that he'd left behind. 

"C'mon, you two. Let's go inside & get you guys settled !"

Bob reached into the backseat for his & Cumseh's overnight bags. As he did, Kenny leaned in & whispered into Tecumseh's ear, " Married up, I see !"

..............

"So, how'd you & your wife meet ?", Bob asked, later that night. The three of them sat on the living room floor, in front of an enormous fireplace, eating pizza & sipping wine on a shaggy white throw rug . Kenny & Susie's house was a large two story . Almost a mansion to Bob's eyes. 12 rooms, 4 baths, with a 3 auto capacity garage & a large elevated deck pool/ jacuzzi out back ! "Bought & paid for by the toil & sweat of my prick ! ", Kenny had joked truthfully, earlier that evening. 

He had retired from the 'jizz biz'  two & a half years ago with a hefty sum that he'd shrewdly invested. Unbeknownst to most people, Kenny had come from a fairly well off mid-western banking family. He'd always been a popular kid & straight A student . He'd eventually graduate college with both a Business & Social Sciences Degree. And from the moment Kenny had felt that diploma in his hand, he'd known that his course in Life was gonna take a majorly radical trajectory ! 

Unlike Tecumseh, Kenny's own entry into the porn business had been thought out & deliberate. The day he'd hit New York City, he'd scanned the trades, made a list of potential employers & presented himself, pants down & cock erect, available for immediate employment. And almost overnight, he'd gone from comic novelty to headlining Porn Star ! True; Midget porn was a small niche market, no pun intended, but during his tenure, Kenny Wyatt ( He'd never considered using anything other than his real name.) dominated the genre like a Goliath !

It was while attending the Monterey Jazz Fest in '67, after shooting YOUNG MAN WITH A HARD HORN, that he'd met Susie ! " Man, I'd fucked every type of woman there is by that point, but when I met Susie, it felt like I was seeing the Female Sex for the very first time. We were simpatico right off the bat ! Some conversation, some pot, and  3 hours of  some of the most mind blowing fucking I'd ever experienced, all the while  listening to The WHO, Hendrix, Ravi Shankar & Joplin..." Kenny was almost rapt, caught up in the memory !" I knew. She knew. We moved in together the next day ! Been together ever since."

Kenny tossed his half eatened pizza in the box. " And I know you're wondering, 'What about the Porn' ? I told her all about it before we fucked that first time. She was cool with it. Like she's been cool with everything to do with me."

Kenny stood up & stretched."Mutual respect. Mutual understanding. That's a big part of what makes it work for us. What'll make it work for you guys, too." Kenny  walked over to Bob & stood with his legs slightly more parted than necessary. Bob, mouth full of pizza, stopped in mid chew. Something was on the verge of happening... or was he mis-reading Kenny's signals ?

"Susie understands that sometimes, I need some variety. And so long as I let her know, she doesn't mind occasionally inviting someone or more to join us. Know what I mean, Bob ?"

Bob did & he swallowed, but remained silent.

At that moment, as Kenny's hand slipped down to his crotch & began to kneed his wares, Tecumseh walked up to Kenny & slipping his arms around him from behind, began to nibble his way up the back of Kenny's neck, suckled on his earlobe momentarily, then jabbed his hot, moist tongue into Kenny's ear !

"Cumseh can tell ya.", Kenny gasped, tilting his head backward. " Susie & me. We're very open minded."

Cumseh looked up & with one eye on Bob, spoke softly, "It's alright, babe. No guy who's had one midget, hasn't wondered what it'd be like to have two." Tecumseh lowered his hands & began to undo Kenny's pants. Once they were unclasped, then un-zipped, he pulled out Kenny's hard cock & gripping it at the base, wagged it at his lover,cooing, "So, c'mon now, Bob. Find out !"

.........................................................................

"Sometimes, inappropriate fun is the MOST FUN!..."

BRAVE MEN DO now available in ebook or softcover form. Order yours today !!

The Domino Fell At Midnight

"...And now, tonight's feature presentation, Doris Day & Rex Harrison star in MIDNIGHT LACE !"

It was an unexpectedly cool April evening on the Mud Flat. There had been a brief,  powerful gully washer of a rain storm that afternoon, & a tornado had touched down near Tahopke, but now the Texas skies had  exhausted their cloud based reservoirs & replaced the earlier unseasonaby hot weather with a cool Spring breeze.  Mindful of the oppressive heat that would soon head their way come Summer, EuEarl had suggested what he & KC had come to call a Drive-In Night ! That's when they would move the kitchen table, along with a couple of chairs, to the part of the back porch directly behind their bedroom. They would place their 24 inch Quasar atop the chest-of-drawers, facing outward in the opened window .

Following dinner, the plan was to play Dominos while watching the ODD COUPLE & LOVE, AMERICAN STYLE, then head for bed. However, once EuEarl heard the late movie line up, MIDNIGHT LACE & PORTRAIT IN BLACK, he knew bed would have to wait. EuEarl had seen both films the year they came out, 1960, and he had enjoyed them both. However, aside from their plots & their leading ladies, EuEarl had his own private & personal reasons for having fond memories of the two flicks. In both cases afterward, once he'd returned to barracks, gone to bed & fallen asleep, he had envisioned himself starring opposite those films two leading men, John Gavin & John Saxon respectively, in what could delicately be described as a not particularly Ross Hunter style production ! It would be nine years before another film would have that same effect, that being  BUTCH CASSIDY & THE SUNDANCE KID ! And that film had ended up being a massive sheet stainer ! In the intervening years, his ardor for Gavin had become as cool as that actor's persona was not, whereas Saxon continued to engage the interest of EuEarl's inner erotic director !
 For all of that, though, it was KC who appeared distracted through out the evening. KC, by no definition a glutton, had mostly picked at his food, so that couldn't, taken alone, have seemed particularly unusual. But during the course of their Dominos game, EuEarl began to suspect that something was up ! Dominos was KC's game & tonight, for the most part, his skills had been as asleep as the extra pieces in the boneyard !
The film had reached the scene were Day is trapped inside a stalled elevator ( EuEarl always enjoyed picturing John Gavin nude, with the exception of a heavily loaded tool belt about his waist, descending into the car ! ). As Day's character began to freak out, she let out a scream, which managed to pierce KC's un-engaged consciousness. Like a frightened colt, KC had bolted upward, tipping the table & sending domino tiles, points pad & pencil, as well as EuEarl's freshly opened beer, all crashing to the floor !
EuEarl stared quizzically at KC. He tilted his head slightly to the right & let out a sigh. Then, almost wearily, he said, "Okay, KC. Tell me. What is it ?"
KC, who had sat motionless up to that point, hurriedly said, "I knocked over the dominos !", then leaned over sideways to begin gathering the errant pieces & to duck EuEarl's gaze !
EuEarl meanwhile, had leaned sideways as well to grope for his emptying beer can. " What made you jump like that ?", he asked patiently.
"The movie. Her screamin'. Weren't figurin' it t'be her husband !". KC grasped madly for the scattered  domino tiles, but couldn't seem to hold more than 2 at a time before dropping them again to the ground.
"That don't happen 'til later, KC." EuEarl decided to take a shot. "Is this something to do with your friend coming to visit ?"
KC was shocked. Part of his anxiety was based on how he would tell EuEarl about Tecumseh's pending arrival. How could he know about that already ? Reading KC's mind, EuEarl said, " Q-Bubba told me. He read the card before he gave it to ya. " EuEarl waited for that to sink in, then added, "So, who's this Tecumseh ? And why's his comin' here got you so rattled ?"
KC folded his lips, but sat up to face his lover. Hesitantly, he stammered out, "Cumseh...he's, he's muh friend. Him & me was rodeo clowns t'gether an'...an', uh...", KC gulped audibly, but EuEarl waited him out.
"Tecumseh. He's a... he makes... midget pornos."
EuEarl was starting to get angry ! " Look, KC, I'm being patient as I know how here, but if you're just gonna fuck around... !"
" I ain't fuckin' around none, EuEarl ! Tecumseh. He makes midget pornos. " KC got up from the table & walked over domino tiles into the house. EuEarl could hear him rummaging in the bedroom, & in a matter of seconds, he returned outside with a book. Actually, a magazine."This here.", KC said, dropping the mag, front cover up, on the table before EuEarl.  "This here guy Tomy Hawkin, 'Lil Big Fuck'. That's Tecumseh !"
EuEarl looked down incredulous. It was the skin mag he'd bought on a whim months ago that he'd found so funny ! " 'Tomy 8 Inch Hawkin' ! This little guy's your friend Tecumseh ?!". KC nodded.
EuEarl quickly flipped through the magazine. "And you thought I'd be upset 'cause your friend does porn ?"
"Well, I...", KC began, only EuEarl interrupted by suddenly standing up & throwing his arms around his worried cowboy. He kissed him, after which he began to laugh. "Oh, KC ! KC ! What a sheltered life you've lived ! Wha' did you think; I'd walk out on ya over this ?" he said, continuing to hold KC tightly. "Babe, so long as your friend's not a member of the Klan or the faculty at Oral Roberts University, I don't give a flying fig what he does for a living ! Especially if it's porn ! Hell ! Who doesn't secretly wanna get paid for being laid ?!" EuEarl laughed out loud again & smiled. "That's an Elton John line, I think !"
 Seeing the not quite relieved expression on KC's face, EuEarl's heart swelled & he leaned forward 'til their noses touched. " You don't ever hav'ta be afraid to tell me things; okay ? I love you, ya crazy goat roper ! We're partners. 'Ceptin' for legalities & a ring, you & me are practically married, which means 'Til Death Do Us Part' ! Death ! Got it ? " He gripped KC's crotch & squeezed. "And I wouldn't place odds on that even !"
EuEarl slid his right cheek alongside KC's left & held him closer. "Feelin' better, now?", he whispered softly.
"Uh, huh."
"Then let's hit the sack, champ !" Reluctantly breaking their embrace, EuEarl looked down again at the magazine, DWARF FUCK'D, & with a smirk, looked back at KC. " You & me are too tall & too short to exactly duplicate some of the stuff  lil Tomy & his pal are gettin' up to here, but I'm willing to try 'em, if you are !"
 As EuEarl lead him into the house, KC felt relieved. Very relieved. More relieved, in fact, than he knew he had any right to feel. Because Tecumseh's making midget pornos was only a part, & hardly the biggest part, of what he needed to explain to EuEarl.
And soon .
................................................................................................

"Sometimes, inappropriate fun is the MOST FUN!..."

BRAVE MEN DO now available in ebook or softcover form. Order yours today !!