It was EuEarl's idea to go into town to FEES', the local grocery store. "If we're gonna have company, we need to stock up. And replace that cracked window glass in Q-Bubba's old room !". KC groaned inwardly, but realizing EuEarl was right, kept it to himself. A trip to FEES' was both inevitable & necessary, he knew, as it was the best & nearest place to shop, but his poor Nebraska heart was filled with dread at the thought of dealing with Vernice Voutrell !
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It was a cart filled to the brim that KC pushed towards the checkout, with EuEarl just ahead, hand firmly gripping & guiding the front ! It was generally slow around 10am. That, as well as the nearly deserted parking lot, would have lead an observer to believe that they'd be rung out & on their way in very short order ! However, the Boys knew better. So, reaching the lone opened , yet un-manned register checkout, they engaged in a bit of small talk.!
"We got everything?"
"Foremost Mlik. Coupl'a loaves of Sunbeam. Morton Salt, pinto beans...", KC recited, glancing over the cart's contents, "Lettuce, Tide &... Rice Krispies ?" KC grimaced & shook his head."Don't know how ya eat them thangs !"
"Don't ya 'member that Monkees commercial 8 or so years ago ? The jingle ?" EuEarl cleared his throat then sang, " 'K-E- double L. Oh, double good. Kelloggs Best to You !' ". He smiled, assumed a 'Ta-Dah'-like pose & awaited KC's critique.
KC suppressed a grin ( EuEarl's vocal tones, plus his ad libbed gestures, were undeniably cute ! ) & stated as stoned faced as he could, "I wuz full-time cowboyin' back then. Weren't no time fer TV watching !"
"Too bad for you.", was EuEarl's flippant reply.
" 'Sides," KC added, "Monkeys singin' 'bout cereal wouldn'tuh made me wanna eat none."
EuEarl, realizing KC wasn't joking, gave him an exaggerated roll of the eyes ! "Not monkeys the animals ! The Monkees. The singing group !" At the sight of KC's authentically clueless expression, EuEarl sighed. "You Grand Old Op'ry types sure live in a bubble, don't ya? ! KC, love, please tell me you've, at least, heard of the Beatles & I don't mean the kind you swat off your radishes !"
KC laughed. "I done heard of the Beatles !" KC shook his arms & torso in an ungainly manner & quite off key, sang " 'Yeah. Yeah. Yeah !'... See ?" EuEarl laughed out loud ! KC shrugged. "Pretty awful, huh ? I cain't sing worth a durn ! "
EuEarl placed his hand on KC's & squeezed. "Well, babe, I don't think either one of us is ready for the Hollywood Palace !"
"Or Ed Sullivan ! But then, ain't neither one a'them on TV no more !" called out a loud voice, which was immediately followed by the sound of a toilet flushing. KC jumped & blushed red, while EuEarl was much relieved to hear the following sounds of a faucet tap being being run, then turned off & a paper towel being dispensed.
"What're y'all talkin' 'bout Monkees & Beatles for ?", continued the voice. "Y'all planning some sort'a Woodstocky riot or somethin' ?" Out of a door just off to the left, next to the manager's booth, walked Vernice Voutrelle, in heels which made a much sharper clack against the linoleum than one would expect. She wore a beehive gravitationally defiant above her heavily powdered & colorfully illustrated face. Vernice's middle-aged features were given little assistance for all her cosmetic applications. Not because she was an ugly woman, but for the contrary. A few less strokes here & there would have allowed her natural & somewhat above average attractiveness to come through far more vividly.
"Queen Vernice !", EuEarl proclaimed. "Back from her throne room, I see ! No. ma'am, Woodstock & Peace 'n' Love are Out ! Nowadays, Texxas Jamm Gritty Hardcore Arena Rock are In!"
Vernice waved her right hand upward in a gesture of benign dismissal at EuEarl's earlier joke veiled criticism & sniffed through a smile," It's all 'bout the same ol' thang by a differ'nt name, which is Sex !" She reached into the pocket of her store apron to retrieve a pack of Parliament cigarettes & a thick, clunky silver butane lighter. Clamping the filter tip tightly between her rubied lips, Vernice flipped opened the lighter, which immediately blazed into life. A few quick puffs was all it took before the front area of FEES GROCERY was shrouded in a tobacco'd haze . "Be with you boys in a minute." she said, proceeding to make herself comfortable atop the ice cream cooler !
"Don't let pay'n customers bother ya none.", KC groused under his breath.
"Well," EuEarl whispered good naturedly. "It ain't like we're in a hurry."
"We hav'ta wait much longer them pinto beans is gonna sprout !", KC said.
"Y'know, Vernice, y'all ought'a think about installing a magazine rack." EuEarl said, tactfully hoping to help things along.
"Too much dust & bother.", she puffed." So, how're you boys doing today ?"
"Fine. Fine. And you ?"
"Boy, I want to tell you I'm worn out. Other gal Sylvie called in sick, so's I'm workin' the front alone. Workin' register & stockin' ! Hmphhh ! She's sick, my aunt fanny ! Out carousin' last night with that 'lectrician Odell from Olney, I know for a fact. She bought two pairs'a L'Eggs 'fore she left work yesterday & ya know what that means ! And on her time of month, too ! You wait. She'll be draggin' in a'pukin' in a few months time, y'all mark my words. He's gettin' a divorce or so he says. He ain't livin' with his wife currently, that's true, but a friend'a mine in Olney who knows his wife's momma ..." Vernice stopped for a quick inhalation of oxygen & smoke. " Well, she says the momma told her that his father-in-law just paid $1500 fer some fool thing or other...House taxes or a boat, I think she says it was.... that Odell owed money on ! And I wanna tell ya, a man fixin' to leave his wife or done already left ain't hardly gettin' no boat money from her daddy !" Vernice took a long, deep drag off her cigarette. EuEarl took his chance & changed the subject.
"Uh....How's Maureen these days ?" Maureen was Vernice's grown daughter from her first marriage.
"That fool girl ? Fat & lazy, but fine !" Her brow furrowed involuntarily, as it always did when the name 'Maureen' crossed her lips ! "Now, she's one for Beatles & Monkees ! Us'ta sit around & watch them durn Monkees every week when she was little. Hadda have all they records & junk, so I made her work with me here on weekends to earn her own money. Then, on her 12th birthday, nothin' would do but that she had'ta see 'em in a movie at the New Isis Theater in Ft. Worth with all her little friends ! Betty Ann Munger, Nanci Parks & Nadine Hennessy ! A three hour round trip, I want ya to know ! I loaded her & her friends int'a my new Buick & I want you to know that Nanci Parks gal got sick on my new cloth back seat on the way ! And more fool me for lettin' her come along, too ! Any child who's momma & daddy spells a simple name like Nancy with an "I" is bound to be trouble & if you meet Miss Nanci now with her husband & their 3 younguns, you'll see how that whole family ain't right ! "
EuEarl, somewhat shell shocked, missed the opening that Vernice's sudden cessation of speech offered. But by the time he realized, it was too late !
" So, I stopped at a GULF station that had a carwash to clean it up & I don't particular like GULF gasoline. I always get SINCLAIR, 'cause ya got some really lovely glassware they was offerin', at the time !... SO ! Maureen starts howling that, 'We're gon' be late ! We're gon' be late !' Like they weren't gonna show that damn picture at least 9 times that day, but noooo ! Nothing would do, but that we had to be there for the first showing ! Then that Nanci Parks gal starts pukin' up again & gets her dress all messy in front ! Now, seems to me, if your child is prone to be car sick, you'd tell a body that ! But them Parks was then & is now, the most inconsiderate people on God's green earth ! I loaned Miz Parks on'a my gold plated bundt cake pans once & I want you to know, when she brung it back, it was dented AND scratched ! So, I said, ' Mary , did you drop my pan ?' And I want you to know what she said back ! 'Oh, yeah, honey, but don't worry. I'd took the cake out first !' Face showin' not a bit of shame, neither ! Now is that right, I ask you ?! And her with the nerve to spell her daughter's name at the end with an "I", too ! "
Normally patient & contained KC exploded ! "We got company coming, Vernice ! Will ya ring us up already ?! We's in a hurry !"
EuEarl, surprised, but cool, did his best to suppress a guffaw !
Vernice stubbed out her 2/3rds gone cigarette & puffed up her indignation ! ." Now you just hold yer horses, KC Hollins ! I'm on my break & I ain't puttin' up with no rude bad mouth'n from you !"
EuEarl interceded. "KC's wasn't meaning to be rude, Vernie ! He's just anxious to have everything ready in time for his company !"
Vernice's antennae perked up !" '...His company' ? Ain't his 'friend' no friend of your'n, too ?"
Taken off guard by the question, EuEarl merely shook his head, but KC , in a near snarl, said, "No, he ain't , Vernice ! He's my friend ! MINE !! Yew got a problem with it ?!"
Vernice's expression turned dangerously sweet & serene as she got up from the ice cream cooler to walk her somewhat numbed ass towards the cash register. "I got no problem either way.", Vernice began. " Of course, if'n your 'friend' was a woman, that could be a problem ...Add one woman & two men, in most cases, & a big mess's bound to be the backwash ! Lucky thang 'bout you two boys, though, is ain't no woman ever like to cause no mess 'twixt good, good friends like y'all are ! Ain't that right ?" & having wielded one final 2 for 1 bargain of her own, asked " Got any coupons ?" !
KC's face turned a deep deep shade of purple which had the curious effect of making his red hair appear as a blaze of angry red flame beneath his hat ! EuEarl maintained his affable demeanor, but something in what Vernice had said triggered, or perhaps revealed, a nagging sense of discomfort about KC's friend Tecumseh & his upcoming visit !
The remainder of their shopping experience went off without further incident, but the minute they'd exited the threshold of FEES with their shopping cart of bagged groceries, KC, through clinched teeth & tight lips, growled , " I'd like'ta stuff her fat ass insid'a that cooler someday & puke a load'a "I's" all ov'uh her !"
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